when will it stop?

my daughter, i think, is coping. she seldom complains. she’s had few teary or angry outbursts – both of which i think she is entitled to. she complains of the pain, but does not exaggerate it. she describes being sore, or very sore, or, when it is at its worst, really sore. in her head, i think she has the size of it. so, coping, then.

what she wants to know is, when will it stop?

this question slaps back all the kind, gentle, vague platitudes that a parent might have lined up: it will go away again, … try not to worrylet’s think about how we can put the pain in a small box on a high shelf…

the truth is, i don’t know when the pain will go away. i know we need to work on ways that can help her cope with the fact that it might not. i reassure her that the doctors could not find anything wrong, that the pain will hopefully go away one day.

her immediate response is, when?

there is no knowing ‘when’. there is only now and some point in the future when i hope her life will be different and pain-free.

i don’t know. perhaps the only person i am fooling is myself.


2 Comments on “when will it stop?”

  1. Toni says:

    I’m so sorry to read your story. I find (as an adult) not knowing when pain is going to end difficult to deal with, so I can’t imagine how this feels for a child. I hope you find answers soon x

  2. thanks, Toni. i started this blog because could not find anything out there that discusses functional abdominal pain from a parent’s point of view. it’s clear that different hospitals have different priorities. some are actively engaged in research into functional abdominal pain, and others not. some implement a clear care plan, others not. added to this, at this point in time, are the funding changes and reorganisation within the NHS. it has to be the worst possible time to seek services and support.

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